A love I didn't deserve

Here's today's sweet memory of mine and Troy's dating relationship and marriage. It's a little long, but I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think, comments are always welcome.

I mentioned yesterday that Troy liked my friend, but I did have a boyfriend at the time, so we remained friends at that point. By the fall, we were basically best friends. We talked everyday at school and hung out, but we also had started to talk on the phone every night too. We started out talking about my friend that he liked, then eventually we didn't talk about her anymore and our conversations became two and four hours long late into the night. We talked about everything from where we wanted to live one day, our favorite colors, foods, etc. We learned so much about each other. In the fall, the BSU had a Fall Retreat. Troy, me, and our friend Lance all rode together. We had a great time. We sat up late every night talking. But inside my soul was screaming. I knew from all my time with Troy that I would never be good enough for him. My heart was hurting. See Troy was pure and I was not. I could tell that we were beginning to be more than friends at this point and I didn't know what I would tell him or if I'd just not mention it. But what if he asked me? Our last day at the retreat our speaker was talking about David and Bathsheba. God sat square on my heart. I couldn't breathe. I WAS DAVID! I just wanted out of there away from everyone including Troy. I felt sick. I got up and went to my bunk. I leaned over my bed trying to breathe. What was I gonna do? I was scared. When I finally came out of my room, there stood Troy. He said he was looking for me and did I feel OK? I lied and told him I was fine. He knew better. We walked to the lake and he asked me if I wanted to canoe. Um, alone in a boat with Troy?? YEAH!! We canoed out into the lake and he joked about reading me poetry and all that. We laughed. Then he said I smelled like his mother. Ha ha! He said my perfume was the same kind his mother wore. Well, I never wore that again. We went back to the dock and sat there talking for a while. We shared each others testimony of how God had saved us. Mine couldn't have been very convincing, as I didn't have Christ in my heart up to this point, but I wasn't about to admit that to myself or Troy. I told him how I grew up in Church and knew all the church answers, it was just second nature to except Christ, pitiful I know. We talked about our lives before we'd met and I skittered around my horrible high school years.
When we got back to the College on Sunday night, Troy officially asked me on a "date". First things first, I had to do what I'd been putting off for a while, call my boyfriend and break it off. It hurt my heart to do so, he was such a sweet and caring guy. But I trudged up the stairs to my room and called him. I was telling him and we prayed together and I knew it would be better for us both since we lived so far apart. Meanwhile, Troy called my roommates phone and asked what took so long, we was ready for me to come down stairs. Pitiful! When I came down, my heart was swimming. When I looked at Troy this time, it was not with eyes of friendship. He took my hand and we walked out of my dorm. I climbed in his truck beside him and our first date was Taco Bell drive threw and his house to watch Jaws. We did see some of it, he he, we talked most of it, and then he kissed me. My heart still thrills over that first night. I was definitely head over heels for this boy.
Over the next few weeks, I knew I needed to tell Troy what I was dreading so badly, what I was worried about at the Fall Retreat. We sat on his couch one night and I said, I had to tell him something. I looked Troy Comer in the eyes and told him all my dirty past and how I couldn't get serious with him and not tell him. I started to cry, which I'm sure freaked him out, and told him I couldn't not be honest with him. He sat very quiet for a minute and I worried that he wouldn't want me, but I knew it was what I deserved. Finally he looked at me and told me, he never wanted to date anyone who wasn't a virgin like him, but he wasn't perfect in his life either, and it wasn't for him to say I wasn't worthy. He said he knew we were supposed to be together. I looked into those baby blue eyes, and saw redemption; that's what Troy did for me. That's also what God did for us. He looked at all we had done wrong in our lives, and loved us anyway. He told us it didn't matter. He sent His own Son for us in our place, as us, because He loved us that much. Jesus was our redemption. I hope you have that redemption, but if not, you can seek it today, God gives it free and full of grace. Just pray and ask Him to love and forgive you. Be honest with Him and tell God what you've done and how you want Him in your life forever. Be sincere and open and Christ will never deny you, no matter what you've done.
Less than two years later, Troy would ask me to marry him, but I'll tell you that tomorrow, it's a pretty special story. Love you friends. happy Tuesday, stay cool today. Come often!!